‘Seek help before it’s too late’, urge mental illness survivors

I have been involved with the mental health sector in various ways for the past six years.

 

Up until early this year, I was mostly seeing counsellors.

 

These years have been spent proactively, trying to find something that would flick the switch back to normality.

 

Mental Health has been featured a lot in the media lately, because of so many people who find they can no longer cope, with the over-stresses of life.

 

There was a time when, I could never understand how some people seemed to breeze through whatever life threw at them, while others just broke.

 

That question became very personal, when I found myself being one of those broken people.

 

So, in order to try to help myself and others, I have decided to tell my story.

 

Before starting, I would just like to say, I have had the great pleasure of walking the past 11 months of my journey, with other people who have, ‘broken’, just like me.

 

I can tell you, they are some of the most amazing, caring, people I have ever met and I am truly honoured to know them.

 

I will be telling my story, of course, fully identified but there will be other people’s stories included in this post, who will remain anonymous, to protect them from stigma.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unfortunately, mental health is still socially and professionally, kept in the taboo closet. And sadly, it would seem, that is where many would rather it stay.

 

These people are from various areas of Northland, so if you think you know the story, many mental health situations are alike, because people are surviving similar conditions. However, how each one is affected, is very different.

 

Surviving is a word used to describe someone who continues to live after a disaster, or some kind of traumatic event.

 

This describes the effects of mental illness very well.

 

My story started six years ago.

 

I arrived at work one day, in a media management position. I knew who I was and where I was but nothing else.

 

I had completely lost the ability to know how to do my job, or even what it consisted of.

 

A very, very frightening experience.

 

Another staff member asked me if I was alright, as I was walking aimlessly around the office, unable to think what to do.

 

I fudged my way through the day until I went to a doctor’s appointment, that had already been made the week before. You see, I had been visiting the doctor for stress-related issues weekly, for some time.

 

I was not prescribed medication. I have always believed, medication only band-aid’s the problem and you have to get to the root of the issue, before it can be fixed, or so you can at least live with it.

 

Don’t get me wrong. Some people could not function without the right medication. My conditions were different.

 

My wonderfully supportive doctor and I agreed that I needed a major shift in my life circumstances, particularly my working life, or I would be very sick – if I wasn’t already.

 

So, on medical advice, I left my job that day, jumping out of a $900 a week position, to nothing at $200 a week. And as you can imagine, one I has to make such a drop in income, work.

 

Now, I do voluntary work when able and run this blog as a publication, telling people’s stories and I provide writing services, for my own interest and keeping my hand in.

 

I have also joined with some other survivors to start a support group, which is overseen by health professionals at the local hospital.

 

Medically, I have been advised that working at my own pace is best, which is easier said than done.

 

It took me until only recent months, to accept I had become a different person. I kept trying to find my old self, especially professionally. The one who, at one time, could take a lot of pressure and who often thrived under it.

 

I also feel the social pressure of picking up my life where I’d left off.

 

People, with the best intentions, still keep asking me, ‘what are you doing now’, expecting me to tell them something exciting, seeing I’d been a journalist for the past 20 or so years. And of course journalists are always perceived to be doing exciting things in their jobs. I did have a great career, having spoken to and written about, so many amazing people.

 

Little do they know that I battle every day to regain my confidence and self worth.

 

But I refuse to succumb to the conditions I’ve been diagnosed with, so I insist on being ‘capable’. It isn’t a facade, what you see is what you get, with me.

 

However, some of my circumstances began to wear me down again and an industrious hospital social worker, in recent months, suggested that I look at going onto the long-term benefit, which was difficult because, I hated admitting I needed to, to give myself more time to recover.

 

So, a mental health specialist fought tooth and nail and thanks to her, I was accepted as a recipient of what is now called, the Supported Living benefit (long-term). At this stage, I am not looking at this being forever.

 

Here’s the thing.

 

Because mentally ill people are broken, where bandages cannot be worn, apparently according to some opinions, we aren’t ill.

 

But people are ill, with conditions that are sometimes, irreparable.

 

I have been told that I have symptoms related to a condition called, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I have also been diagnosed with high end depression and anxiety/panic disorder, among other things. I have just found, I may have had the PTSD symptoms since I was three years old but they are not sure.

 

This was a shock.

 

But I am pretty proud of myself that although I haven’t made a huge mark on this world, I’ve done incredibly well, with these symptoms, for that long.

 

But sadly, it ended in a major break down.

 

I now have to do things a very different way, to how I used to and I am constantly being advised to not put myself back into the flames that burned me.

 

I am someone who wants to find my way forward in life, LIVING WITH these issues, if I may not be able to get rid of them.

 

The point I want to make in telling this story and especially with the last sentence is; if you feel like everything is mounting up and you feel a bit like you want to climb the walls, it does not mean you are broken or breaking; but don’t leave it, or try to BOSS yourself out of it.

 

Don’t be ashamed or afraid to go and talk to your GP about getting in front of people who can help. It is totally confidential. As the great former All Black and depression survivor, John Kirwan says in his book, ‘All Blacks Don’t Cry’, if the people around you ‘don’t get’ what you’re going through, go and find someone who does get it!

 

But please, don’t do what I did and tell yourself, or let anyone else tell you to, ‘get over it’. You need help to do that.

 

In my case, I told myself to, ‘get over it’, for a good three years, before I broke.

 

I even told myself after breaking, ‘a few weeks off and I’ll be back into something else’. That doesn’t work either. Sometimes these breaks are irreversible. No one can tell me whether mine is or not. The jury is still out on that.

 

At the moment, I take it one day at a time.

 

So again, I implore anyone out there who is feeling like they may be close to being unable to cope.

 

Stop, step back and observe your situation, then as calmly as you can, take the necessary steps to ensure you don’t go down the same path I have, or the other people who are telling their stories here.

 

You may be able to stay in your current situation with help but you may not. Only you and your therapists know that.

 

I wish you well in your future endeavours.

 

I continue to hold on to hope and I believe I will find my way forward one day. It’s just finding that switch to flick the lights back on.

 

I also have a message for employers: I’m sure there are more of you out there, who are fair, caring and understanding and who realise, you get the best out of employees who are valued, cared about and respected.

 

But to the few who think employees are there to be mistreated, bullied and stressed out, let me tell you, that you DO have a right to people’s 100 % attention to your business - during business hours, you do have a right to 100 % of their skill but you DO NOT have any right AT ALL to their souls.

 

The mental state of a person IS their inner self and that needs to be protected at all costs, despite the financial bottom line!

 

 

 

 

Other People’s Journeys

 

What caused my mental health issues was repeated rejection from both adoptive and birth family. 

 

What followed was that I became suicidal, several times throughout my life.

 

I was referred to counsellors, psychiatrists, I had been admitted to hospital for a week and was put on anti-depressants several times.

 

I have never had a proper diagnosis but they say I have depression and anxiety.

 

My anxiety stops me from doing things I enjoy and being fear-free, as well as living a full life, for myself and my kids.

 

The condition gives me heart palpitations and gives me body aches the doctors can’t explain why.

 

Methods I use to get through include; distraction and keeping myself busy, so I don’t think too much about it all. I use the breathing technique when I feel fear coming on.

 

In future, I hope to be free from depression and anxiety and suicidal thoughts and feelings.

 

I wouldn't mind helping others who suffer with this, as I know what it is like. I have been there myself and know it’s not great. But out of it, things can be so much better.

 

I have saved two people in my younger years, from suicide and I wish I can save a lot more.

 

My advice to anyone in this situation, is to face up to your problems, rather than running away from them.

 

If you leave it too long, it just snow balls and gets worse. It’s better to get it out in the open and talk about it, with the right people.

 

 

People who don’t understand can send you right back, to square one.

                                                                  

-Anonymous

 

 My mental health journey started when I began to have problems at work many years ago.

This caused me to have significant issues with not sleeping, then falling into a deep depression, culminating in four months off work.

I eventually left and found another job, about a year later.

Recently, I had difficulties again, in a totally different work place - this is several years later.

I went to the doctor, who gave me some time off work on stress leave, then I returned to work.

Antidepressants were prescribed and I had to have medication to calm my nerves and to help me sleep.

I had warning signs and felt what they call “the fizz”, (when someone is feeling high end anxiety). I realise now, I was heading for a break down. 

I was offered to go to a course called Coping Skills, so I went along.

Meanwhile, health professionals diagnosed me with depression.

After a day’s work, I would go home and cry myself to sleep. I seemed to also have brain fog, finding it hard to cope with everyday life generally.

My thoughts seemed to go round and round in my head. I felt anxious, I lost my joy of life, my appetite and I felt angry all the time.

My relationship was also under pressure.

Going to work was really hard and all I wanted to do was stay at home, knowing I had to pay the bills.

But, throughout, I have found yoga very therapeutic, with Northland yoga instructor, Tracey Horne.

As mentioned, Mental Health’s Coping Skills course is awesome – it’s totally confidential, with loads of tools which are simple and easy to apply for different life challenges. I recommend this course to anyone, who has difficulty in coping with life in general.

I have been able to decrease the medication I was on, with the guidance of my GP, after a few sessions of the course.

With the various tools I’ve been able to put into practise, I haven’t had to leave my job. Without these tools, I would probably be in the secure unit in Whangarei.

My advice is, little steps are better than none. I now have my confidence back and I’m able to carry on and enjoy life again. Live, laugh and love, is now my motto.

The thing is, you’re not alone and not the only one going through a difficult time.

You are welcome to share your experiences, should you choose to and you go away feeling you’ve learned and achieved something.

It’s about rebuilding your confidence, positivity and having something good to look forward to, while you are recovering.

Northland mental health has amazing staff.

Don’t wait until you hit rock bottom, to get in touch with your GP for referral to a mental health professional, a coping skills course and a support group, if you are struggling with stress or just not coping in the work place, or with family issues.

Take it from me; encouragement, empowerment and confidence are a much better way to go, to continue to get the best out of your life.

                                                                             -Anonymous

 

My situation came about from when I was quite young.

When I was in my early to mid teens, my appendix burst and later, I found I and a sibling, both had sensitivities to a vaccine – namely the tetanus injection.

But what caused a major breakdown about four years ago, which rendered me unable to function at all, or remember the actual events that happened, was inordinate job pressure and the changing of medications; including my being put on and taken off certain prescription drugs – one of which, should have been reduced gradually and which I have been told culminated in my suffering seizures.

I was juggling a home-based business, transporting children to and from school and pre-school and working over 50-hour weeks.

All of that, together with historical post-natal depression and caring for elderly, sick relatives, added up to the mental health crisis that led to my being admitted to an acute, mental health, secure unit for three months.

I don’t remember most of what happened to me, other than my sister and my son coming to see me and we had to visit in a courtroom-type place at the unit.

The courtroom was where they also assessed pre-release prisoners, who were being put on medication to stop them from reoffending. I was put in the same area as them.

During that time, they started electric shock treatment on me, administered under anaesthetic. I believe I must have had around 20 treatments, over the course of a year. The reason for my being given this treatment, was that I was unable to talk, think, interact and I could hardly even walk. I can only describe it as being like a zombie.

The seizures I’ve had over the years, had been caused by various situations, such as; changes in medication, flashing lights, fast movement on visual equipment. I’ve also been told I’ve had a seizure while sleeping and once in the shower. Thankfully, there have been people around to help when they’ve happened.

I was diagnosed with a deep depressive condition called serious catatonic depression.

At one time during my very dark depressive days, I became so frightened of being arrested because on top of everything, I bought a cell phone that had been owned by someone previously, who owed money on it and I kept getting rung up by debt collectors. That eventually got sorted out, thank goodness.

Once I had become stabilized in the secure unit, I was placed into a sub-acute centre – a home away from home, to convalesce, until I was able to go home but still requiring 24-hour care by my family.

The good news is, I’m heaps better now. I don’t feel I have depression any more and I now take medication that is helpful.

I do a course called Coping Skills, which I find really helpful in teaching people with mental health issues, how to deal with their problems.

I also do yoga, I am interested in alternative health remedies and the nurses, therapists and health professionals are only a phone call away. When I first came out of the sub-acute centre, I was visited weekly by mental health staff.

I still can’t remember some things and I’ve had to relearn a lot.

I see myself in future years, being back at some kind of work, perhaps social work or the alternative health sector and the depression will have completely gone for good.

My advice to anyone who may feel stressed, under a lot of pressure, or that they feel like they are climbing the walls; get into a mental health programme by talking to your GP about being referred to a coping course and support group. They are entirely confidential and safe.

Take someone as an advocate for you, to your doctor (because sometimes mental illness survivors tend to minimise problems because of denial), see Work and Income, getting legal advice, or anything where you may not be feeling able to handle things.

Get in front of the right people, so you can get the right help.

                                                                   -Anonymous

 

I had a major break-down in my life due to undue pressure being placed on me, in my career.

My mental health condition rules my life from go to woe at the moment.

Without the support group and my friends, I would have succumbed to it.

I would have been very lost and thrown everything away.

I will keep going, I will remain on this planet and I will survive this. I have to.

My advice to anyone who feels things are getting on top of them, seek help NOW!

For the sake of family, friends, your own health and well-being, wake up and smell the roses.

Don’t think you’re going get through it, unless you seek help.

You can’t fix this yourself. It’s bigger than you and you don’t realise how big a problem you are dealing with and when you realise it, it’s way too late and you can lose everything that’s dear to you.

                                                                             -Anonymous

 

I started having a break down after losing my father and two other close family members.

It all built up on me.

I do artwork and try to chill out. I go onto Facebook, or ring one of my support workers.

I have found the Coping Skills course helped me. I try to breathe through it all, to cope.

My advice to anyone going through the same thing; try to find people who have gone through this situation themselves; but get some help.

I’m confident that one day, I’ll get better.

                                                                   -Anonymous

 

 Mental health disorders

Post Traumatic Stress/Disorder (PTSD): Is a psychological reaction to experiencing or witnessing a significantly stressful, traumatic or shocking event.

Depression: Is an illness that can affect how you feel and behave for weeks or months at a time. When you are depressed, your low mood lasts, affecting your sleep, relationships, job and appetite.

Anxiety: Someone suffering from generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) may be up all night worrying about a disturbing situation they’ve seen on television for example, that people who don’t have the condition, can put out of their minds. GAD sufferers may continue to worry, for days, about what to do if a horrific situation occurred to, or near them. People who experience this level of anxiety, may worry about many other, day to day things; e.g. finances, family, the car, or pets. Sometimes even thinking about how to get through the day makes them anxious. This is mentally and physically exhausting. Other conditions can be common in these sufferers, including; depression, panic attacks and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).

Reference – Mental Health Foundation (New Zealand)

www.mentalhealth.org.nz

Contact numbers 24 hours

Need to talk? Free call or text four digit number 1737 – www.1737.org.nz

Depression helpline free call 0800 111 757 – www.depression.org.nz/

Anxiety New Zealand Trust 24 hour support line – Free call 0800 269 4389 – www.anxiety.org.nz

Other useful crisis lines

Lifeline – Free call 0800 543 354 or (09) 522 29999

Suicide Prevention Helpline – Free call 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)

Youthline – Free call 0800 376 633

Samaritans – Free call 0800 726 666