A woman's quest to become her own rescuer



 

Business woman and guest blogger Daphne Wells tells her story, in a light-hearted way, about rescuing herself from a difficult personal situation.

 

Her story inspired me and I'm sure it will inspire many out there who feel stuck in a toxic rut.

 

(The piece has been edited for legal reasons.)

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Here's how I became my own 'knight in shining armour'.​

 

By Daphne Wells

Once upon a time not so long ago I became my own knight in shining armour and rescued myself.

I’d waited long enough for a real, ‘knight in shining armour’, to come and rescue me. You know, the fairy-story kind.

Pretty soon it became obvious nothing would change unless I became my own rescuer.

Here’s the thing... I’d gotten stuck in a hole. Living someone else’s life. Keeping someone else happy. All the while, I felt like I was dying on the inside.

While I’d known for a long time something had to change, it wasn’t at all easy sorting all the obstacles that were in my way.

The fact that I’d dug my own hole didn’t make it any easier either. After all, I’d purchased the cattle. At his request, I’d allowed the man to board for free, in my home, in exchange for caring for the animals.

Picking up the phone and asking for help was undoubtedly one of the hardest and the bravest things I’ve ever done.

Truth is there’s been no fairy-tale ending as the man has since shown his true (negative) colours.

Without doubt, rescuing myself has proved to be harder for me than rescuing others.

By the way, let me know if you’d like me to support you as you rescue yourself.

Daphne Wells, founder of Passion for Growth, guides you to grow your business to full bloom while creating a lifestyle you love so you can make a difference and make money. For over 6 years she has represented highly-motivated, courageous and successful women in business, small business owners, coaches, therapists and entrepreneurs. As an ICF credentialed coach, with a history of birthing and growing small businesses, Daphne has a deep passion for inspiring you to recognise and appreciate your magnificence whilst you grow your fabulously successful business. Her true magic lies in empowering you to do it your way. She lives in the beautiful South Island of New Zealand from where she works with women business owners and entrepreneurs worldwide. She’s President of ICF NZ Southern. Grab her FREE eBook ‘3 Keys to GET MORE CLIENTS’ at www.DaphneWells.com 


If you've had a difficult experience similar to Daphne's let us know in the comments.

We wish you well with your quest for a new life and a new path of growth.

To your health and success!

BTO 

Does a 'well done' from the boss help build team morale?

I have recently noticed a large amount of discussion on social media about positive communication in the workplace.

I was particularly inspired by the post of a Linkedin connection of mine, who works for a multinational company and who had received a verbal 'pat on the back' from his superior for a job well done.

I was interested to blog about his experience because we all have at some stage in our working lives, experienced both positive and negative communication.

I know how each feels - being conscientious and remembering the negative words most. How they can sting the spirit and even make you feel worthless.

Now don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with constructive criticism. We all need that in order to grow.

But we don't need being made to feel bad, emotional, undermined, 'not up to it', 'off our game' ... I could go on with the put downs.

I decided to pose a set of questions by email, to my Linkedin friend, Papis Camara, a key account manager with cosmetic giant, L'Oreal, about his uplifting work experience of praise from his superior.

Here's what he said about it, below:

 

Positive communication: Papis Camara, a key account manager for international beauty company L'Oreal, felt proud and motivated even more, to close sales after receiving management praise.   



Q: Papis, can you tell us about the recent ‘well done’ you got from your boss and what it was for?

A: In my job, one of my roles is to do the business-driven recommendations to the right account. And by sharing a strategy and a vision, one of our key accounts bought into that idea.
This might result in them listing some of our styling products, which means incremental sales for us.

Q: What did your superior say to you, to praise you?

A: He just said over the phone: 'Great job, can I hug you now?'
The feeling was amazing. I felt good, I felt proud and mainly, I felt like going to close (sales) for even more businesses.
This is key in management.
It's not about salary increase, it's the constant motivation that will drive your team. And this can come from a tap on the back or just a, 'well done', 'proud of you', or 'good work'.
It's so easy to do. But unfortunately so easy not to as well.

Q: What do you think about businesses where management rule by negativity and fear and what would your advice be to them, from someone such as yourself, who has experienced good and encouraging management communication?

A: Negativity doesn't bring anything in life but negativity. Fear won't bring anything in life but fear.
You have to love your people.
This is a people business so you have to be a people-minded person.
People do the business not the opposite. So it's about listening, encouraging, being generous, motivating, coaching, developing and mentoring.
I am not saying that's the best recipe. Yet so far I have used this a lot and it has been widely appreciated.
A lot of people I have managed in the past, do consider me as their friend now, so I guess the recipe works.

Q: You mentioned when we did your personal story a while ago, that you have been working for L'Oreal for nine years. Is what you experienced in positive performance communication, something that is usual in your company?

A: Yes I have been working for the same company for almost ten years.
And I think communication is key in any company.

And yes we have to communicate, even more on great achievement because it can lift other people. They see that and say: 'If he can do it, so can I.'

Q: Have you ever experienced negative communication from employers or know anyone who has?

A: Yes of course.
Like in personal life you will find negativeness everywhere. But usually I tend to remember only the positive communication.


Q: How did (negative communication) make you feel, or the person affected?

A: Let me answer through a question. If you see your child and tell him: 'You know what, I am ashamed of being your parent. Your results at school are so bad. On top of that you are very dumb.' How is that child going to feel?

Q: What would you like to see more of regarding communication (processes) from management in business generally?

A: People should praise their team all the time.
Not only during three-year end reviews or when they get promoted but on a constant basis and of course, it should be genuine.

It seems Papis, who indicates he enjoys encouraging his own team, has experienced the actions of an exceptional leader in his boss' communication to him over his work results.


I decided to look at an expert view of good leadership.

Below is a link to an article by US psychologist and emotional intelligence expert, Dr Travis Bradberry who posts frequently on LinkedIn.

This article is about the daily habits of exceptional leaders.

It would appear, giving praise is one of the hallmarks of an outstanding leader.


In it, Dr Bradberry discusses the various virtues of these leaders, including the art of generosity.


He says:

"Great leaders are generous. They share credit and offer enthusiastic praise. They’re as committed to their followers’ success as they are to their own. They want to inspire all of their employees to achieve their personal best – not just because it will make the team more successful, but because they care about each person as an individual."

- Dr. Travis Bradberry

 

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/daily-habits-exceptional-leaders-dr-travis-bradberry?trk=v-feed&lipi=urn%3Ali%3Apage%3Ad_flagship3_profile_view_base_recent_activity_details_all%3BLeeBMMgJUfHodHmh4bjaxA%3D%3D

Have you had a 'well done' from your boss at work? Why not tell us about it?

You don't have to say where you work unless you want to.

Let's celebrate those great bosses out there!

To your continued success and health. :-) BTO

 

 

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Rebuilding a village in Vanuatu

Dargaville businessman John Bishop rolled up his sleeves to help rebuild and renovate a cyclone ravaged village in Vanuatu.

The aid project, spear-headed by the Rotary Club of Birkenhead, included rebuilding a school and constructing ablution blocks, renovating house rooves, upgrading and fixing water systems among other things in the village of Ueli, in the south eastern part of the island of Ambrym, following the devastation in 2015 from Cyclone Pam.

John spoke to the Rotary Club of Dargaville about his experiences, mostly from his second visit to the small developing country, in October.

He and his wife Margaret, who is a member of the Rotary Club of Dargaville, both initially went to Vanuatu in March/April, for 17 days and started helping with the rebuild.

“I was asked by Rotary if I would like to go and help but it’s not until you actually touch down there, that you realise the need and how helping is all worthwhile,” he says.

On the second 19-day visit, John returned on his own, while Margaret stayed back to run the couple’s busy engineering firm.

He was at first one of nine people, mostly New Zealanders, to go to the island this time but he ended up as one of only five left to help with the clean-up, when four had to leave for various reasons.

Band of helpers: John, far right, with other local and overseas volunteers during the October restoration project of Ueli Village.

One of the main objectives for the aid workers was to build three sets of double shower units –  separately for male and female villagers and for school teachers.

Previously, villagers only had small brick-like rooms for up to 24 people to use.

Other jobs included starting the rebuilding of a school, rebuilding of another structure that had been torn back to its studs and reroofing of the headmaster’s home and a church.

New Zealand pine was mostly used for the reconstructions with a small amount of Australian timber added.

Much of the material from the old buildings was recycled, unless it was unusable.

An 11km trip up a mountain to where a water pipe that fed the village water system, had become blocked, was a mission to access and a real challenge to clear. The village had no water in its communal reservoir tanks and the only water villagers had, was in their own tanks near the houses, from when it rained.

John says the rain literally “buckets” down but was intermittent at best.

“Everything is at a much slower pace there, as it was a three-quarter-hour trip to get to where we had to unblock the pipe,” he says.

The water system, which was in the process of being upgraded by the Seventh Day Adventist Church, had only been replaced once since it was first put in by the American Forces during World War II.

Seven computers acquired from Australia for the school, were solar-powered.

Manual work was quite hard going.

“No such thing as concrete mixers there,” John says. Concrete is all mixed by hand in a ground hole.

Manual worker: John gets stuck in to some manual concrete mixing.

He was able to pass on some of his own skills to locals during the construction processes.

John found himself doing various jobs including; building, making concrete, welding, plumbing and plastering.

He says there are still schools, houses and churches that need repair.
“There is some shelter but people seem to take everything in their stride there. They seem to be used to having very little anyway.”

But one of the biggest problems is the lack of ability to store food, which is abundantly grown. Crops such as taro, kumara, kava as well as the storage of imported rice.

Money can be accessed for water storage, so it is possible to obtain funding to build structures as long as they can catch the water.

John is keen to go back to Vanuatu perhaps later next year, to help with more projects such as the building of more structures.

 

Village structure: An example of a traditional building in Vanuatu.

A kindergarten is planned, which will provide not only water but an educational facility for the village.

SIDE BAR:

ABC News website:

At the time, aid agencies described Tropical Cyclone Pam, which hit Vanuatu in March 2015, as one of the worst disasters to ever hit the Pacific region.

Packing winds of up to 250 kilometres per hour, the category-five system caused widespread devastation in Vanuatu's southern provinces of Shefa and Tafea.



Have you helped out in a developing country or helped with an environmental disaster clean-up?

Tell us about your experiences. We and our readers would love to hear it!

Contact us in the comments section.

Have a great day.

BTO

Compassion is still alive and well

This lovely story about an older boy helping a disabled one-year-old was inspiring.

http://www.whydontyoutrythis.com/2016/08/she-secretly-photographs-what-this-boy-does-with-her-1-year-old-now-shes-searching-for.html

Sometimes children amaze us, don't they!

There is so much compassion in many people; both young and old.

These are the people who make the world a better place, as this mother points out in her impassioned, 'thank you' letter in the hope the young Samaritan may read it.

What makes some people compassionate and others not so much?

It seems that empathy or compassion is all about those who have keener brain activity and sensitivity, generally, in regard to what is going on in the world around them, compared to those who don't.
I found this article in the link below, from the ibtimes.co.uk interesting.

http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/why-some-people-are-genetically-more-sensitive-empathetic-others-1454042

How do you feel when someone shows you compassion, empathy, or even sympathy, especially when you've suffered some kind of great loss?

Let us know in the comments, or email to: robyndow58@gmail.com

Beating the Odds - BTO would love to hear from you. Check us out and then drop us a comment or a line!

A big multi-national company with a mandate to help others

Many organisations make it their business to help others.

Even in the midst of their busy, hopefully prosperous operations, they choose to provide such valuable assistance.

I was inspired by this particular United States health and nutrition company, which spends time with giving others a fighting chance. Sometimes, even provide an existance in areas of the world where life is difficult, to put it mildly.

https://www.facebook.com/USANAFoundation/?hc_ref=SEARCH

As the guy in the video says, medical aid for a constantly struggling country, such as Haiti with a population of up to 10 million, is made possible through various agencies working in partnership with this company.
But there seems to be endless procedures that have to be worked through, in order for people to even have access to basic health care.

Makes us very glad of where we live!

 

Difficulty: A typical scene of struggle. Photo by Common Dreams.





There are many other caring people and organisations, who devote their time and economic resources to make other people's lives more bearable.

This world would be a more difficult place without those people who are willing to take that time.

Medical care is essential in these areas, and if it wasn't for organisations that can pour revenue into aid work for these countries, it's hard to imagine how much worse those conditions could be.





Rescuers: UN mission to Haiti with supplies to help. Photo by ReliefWeb.

 

It's good to celebrate people who are willing to go and help in these places and organisations that make it possible.

 

Have you had experience in providing aid in a struggling country?

 

We would love to hear and tell your story on our blog. It would inspire others for all sorts of things. :)

 

Let us know in the comments or PM on our Facebook page or email: robyndow58@gmail.com

BTO

Leaving home at 12 to study sets Papis up for work with international company

Smile of success: West African businessman Papis Camara owes his success to his strong family connections and early education at a special military high school.

 

 

Papis Camara took his first steps at the tender age of 12 towards his current life as a successful businessman working for L’Oreal - a world leader in beauty.

The Senegal-born 34-year-old son of a judge, passed a gruelling test to study at a prestigious military high school, a long way from his beloved family and home.

He had hoped to study in Senegal but ended up in an exchange programme between two military groups, which saw him leave home at 12 and study at the school situated on the Ivory Coast.

“On average, around 2000 kids in Senegal take the test and only 60 pass it,” he says.

But Papis says the test sets children up for further study and provides the necessary discipline for life through its military-style programme.

“I have learned a lot from that experience and I believe I have become the man I am today from having attended this military high school.”

His mother, a retired midwife, did not find it easy to let her only son, the youngest of four, go off to school at such a young age but he points out, even back then, he wanted to learn from different cultures and build his life.

 

Family closeness: Papis taking time out with his mother Yacine Mane, a glorious 67-year-old.



“I was lucky to have such understanding parents, as visiting was not easy for them (parents) and three older sisters during that time, but nothing worthwhile comes easy,” Papis says.

The good-looking West African, who is now Key Account Manager for L’Oreal Professionnel, currently based between Manchester and London, says he was often a ‘model’ for his three sisters – Paris-based beauty business owner, Aminata, teacher, Deguene and mother, Fifi, when practising their cosmetics skills and calls it the, ‘chore to being the only guy in the family’.

He says he has always loved fashion and with his business and marketing skills from a business school in France, he became a good match for the international beauty organisation over nine years ago in Paris and in that time, he has held five positions - the current one for the past two months.

Family is important to Papis, after his father passed away in 2004, Papis now has his mother and numerous aunts and uncles left back home in Senegal.

He sees his job as overseeing his mother’s welfare, for the remainder of her life, whom he describes as, ‘the best mom on earth’.

“I want to become more, so that I can give (to the family) more. They are my reasons why,” he says.

Papis wants to keep inspiring, motivating and mentoring people.

On a personal note, he says he would love to share his successful life with someone and have a family some day.

From a life of making success happen for himself, his advice to anyone …

“Always believe in yourself. Because the first person to believe in you, should be yourself. Life is good and God is great!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

Top marks for health group after exemplary care

I cannot let another day go past without giving a written thumbs-up to the Northland District Health Board's Whangarei Hospital and its satellite facility Dargaville Hospital on the great care I received when admitted with what could have been life-threatening conditions.



Good healthcare: My experience at Whangarei Hospital was fantastic. Photo by www.electives.net

This is my experience and I cannot speak for all.

It all started a couple of months ago, when I found myself hospitalised three times - two from complications, which resulted in the third stay and surgery.

I was first taken by ambulance to the satellite facility, where a GP stabilized me enough to be transported to Whangarei, three-quarters of an hour away, where I stayed for four days in the surgical unit while my condition was diagnosed and a decision for urgent surgery was made.

The second hospital admission was the actual surgery.

Third time, I found myself being transported again by ambulance, suffering from massive pain, to be put under the microscope but with no clear reason for the pain.

On all of these stays, health and medical staff were literally run off their feet, particularly the regional hospital at Whangarei, where the surgical unit appeared to have a revolving door.

Patients would leave the hospital, only to be replaced by new ones in a short succession of time.

At one point, I was told the unit had between 25 and 35 post-operative patients and only five nursing staff covering the lot.

During my surgery stay, I would not have been left alone, post-operatively, without a nurse checking on me every 15 to 20 minutes.

If any staff were stressed, or if there were any communication differences, you would never have known it. All were completely professional in the way they dealt with patients' and with each other.

Yet with the high amount of pressure they appeared to be under, with weight of numbers, people would be forgiven for getting a little frazzled from time to time!

I just felt it was worth giving them praise for their fantastic service and it was another example of why our health and medical professionals are held in high regard all over the world.

To your health.

Robyn

BTO